I’ve decided to start a new “feature” here, in which I will be announcing to the world (or at least the regular readers here) new words which I have come up with or have had a hand in inventing. My hope would be that someday some of these words are accepted in to the standard English language.

On to the first new word:

Smoretarded - adjective
One who is incapable of either creating or eating a smore without making a complete mess of themselves; It’s just a marshmallow, chocolate, and graham crackers, how are you so smoretarded?

1. My legions of terror will have helmets with clear plexiglass visors, not face-concealing ones.
2. My ventilation ducts will be too small to crawl through.
3. My noble half-brother whose throne I usurped will be killed, not kept anonymously imprisoned in a forgotten cell of my dungeon.
4. Shooting is not too good for my enemies.
5. The artifact which is the source of my power will not be kept on the Mountain of Despair beyond the River of Fire guarded by the Dragons of Eternity. It will be in my safe-deposit box.
6. I will not gloat over my enemies’ predicament before killing them.
7. When the rebel leader challenges me to fight one-on-one and asks, “Or are you afraid without your armies to back you up?” My reply will be, “No, just sensible.”
8. When I’ve captured my adversary and he says, “Look, before you kill me, will you at least tell me what this is all about?” I’ll shoot him, and then say “No”.
9. After I kidnap the beautiful princess, we will be married immediately in a quiet civil ceremony, not a lavish spectacle in three weeks time during which the final phase of my plan will be carried out.
10. I will not include a self-destruct mechanism unless absolutely necessary. If it is necessary, it will not be a large red button labelled “Danger: Do Not Push”.
11. I will not order my trusted lieutenant to kill the infant who is destined to overthrow me — I’ll do it myself.
12. I will not interrogate my enemies in the inner sanctum — a small hotel well outside my borders will work just as well.
13. I will be secure in my superiority. Therefore, I will feel no need to prove it by leaving clues in the form of riddles or leaving my weaker enemies alive to show they pose no threat.
14. I will not waste time making my enemy’s death look like an accident: I’m not accountable to anyone and my other enemies wouldn’t believe it.
15. I will make it clear that I do know the meaning of the word “mercy”; I simply choose not show them any.
16. One of my advisors will be an average five-year-old child. Any flaws in my plan that he is able to spot will be corrected before implementation.
17. All slain enemies will be cremated, not left for dead at the bottom of the cliff. The announcement of their deaths, as well as any accompanying celebration, will be deferred until after the aforementioned disposal.
18. My undercover agents will not have tattoos identifying them as members of my organization, nor will they be required to wear military boots or adhere to any other dress codes.
19. The hero is not entitled to a last kiss, a last cigarette, or any other form of last request.
20. I will never employ any device with a digital countdown. If I find that such a device is absolutely unavoidable, I will set it to activate when the counter reaches 117 and the hero is just putting his plan into operation.
21. I will design all doomsday machines myself. If I must hire a mad scientist to assist me, I will make sure that he is sufficiently twisted to never regret his evil ways and seek to undo the damage he’s caused.
22. I will never utter the sentence “But before I kill you, there’s just one thing I want to know.”
23. When I employ people as advisors, I will occasionally listen to their advice.

I saw this on a few other sites and felt it was funny enough to be worth posting here. Hope you enjoyed it!

Some cats bring you gifts of rats, or hairballs, or other various things that they are proud of and want to show off to their owner. My cat, however, just felt the need to bring me a live ladybug. She then left it, walked away, and looked for our reaction. Once satisfied that Jessie and I were happy with her present, she came back and preceeded to eat it.

Oh well, at least it wasn’t a mouse or rat.

Ok, so I was leaving work after a grueling 9-hour shift (without a break!) and as I’m walking to my car in the parking lot, I hear a loud crash. At first I thought a shopping cart had slammed in to someones car, but when I thought about it, it sounded more like a low-speed car accident. I took me about 30 seconds to discover that some truck that was parked outside must have been left in neutral or something, because it had just rolled forward unattended and slammed in to another truck that had been about 20 feet in front of it. The truck that was hit was larger than the one that had rolled in to it and appeared to be undamaged, but the front bumper of the one that hit it was all messed up.

My name is…
Shake-Zula.
The mic-rula,
The old schoolah,
Ya wanna trip? I’ll bring it to ya.
Frylock and I’m on top, Rock you like a cop
Meatwad you up next with your knock-knock.
Meatwad make the money, see.
Meatwad get the honeys, G.
Drivin in my car, livin’ like a star.
Ice on my fingers and my toes and I’m a Taurus

Check it.
Check it, check it.

‘Cuz we are the aqua teens,
make the homies say ho! and the girlies wanna scream
‘Cuz we are the aqua teens,
make the homies say ho! and the girlies wanna scream

Aqua Teen Hunger Force.
Number 1 in the Hood, G

Everyone knows that our illustrious Commander in Chief is a complete buffoon, right? Just incase you weren’t 100% sure, here’s further proof in the form of a few recent quotes:

“The relations with, uhh — Europe are important relations, and they’ve, uhh — because, we do share values. And, they’re universal values, they’re not American values or, you know — European values, they’re universal values. And those values — uhh — being universal, ought to be applied everywhere.” —George W. Bush, at a press conference with European Union dignitaries, Washington, D.C., June 20, 2005

“We discussed the way forward in Iraq, discussed the importance of a democracy in the greater Middle East in order to leave behind a peaceful tomorrow.” —George W. Bush, Tbilisi, Georgia, May 10, 2005

“It’s in our country’s interests to find those who would do harm to us and get them out of harm’s way.” —George W. Bush, Washington, D.C., April 28, 2005

“We expect the states to show us whether or not we’re achieving simple objectives — like literacy, literacy in math, the ability to read and write.” —George W. Bush, on federal education requirements, Washington, D.C., April 28, 2005

Want to read more of the president’s idiocy? Skim through the ever growing database at About.com.